OBO is something you see when someone is selling something, for example, “$900 obo.” It means “or best offer” – which in this case means the person will sell the item for $900 but will consider the best offer if it’s less than $900.
From there, I’ve come to think of O.B.O. in a different context, specifically when people don’t commit to plans. Say you ask someone to join you for an event or to come to a party you’re throwing. If their response is flimsy and they hem and haw but don’t give a real answer, instead preferring to hedge whether they will actually show up – well, this is what I refer to as obo-ing. Regardless of their reasons for not committing, often times, what they are really thinking is, “Thanks for the offer and I may actually come but I want to leave all my options open in case I get invited to something better.”
This is O.B.O.-ing. And for the recipient, it’s really annoying. It’s actually a form of an insult, whether or not a person being non-committal admits it. Because in hedging their answer, they are implicitly saying that there might be someone else out there who they might be invited to join and who they would rather hang out with than you.
O.BO.-ing was highly prevalent in business school. You see, in business school, people want to be in the in-crowd. And as a result, they operate in a constant state of fear. Fear of not being included or invited. Fear of missing a legendary evening, that supposed once-in-a-lifetime nite that people talk about for ages. Well, the reality is that those nites rarely exist. Sometimes, it’s simply wanting to be feel wanted, to be on the “A”-list. In the “to” line of the email. And to be earlier in the list of names in the “to” line.
So, as a result, MBA’s are renown for being non-committal. Yes, I may join you for dinner, but if a group I deem as more socially superior, influential, etc. invites me, then I reserve the right to not officially be flaking on your dinner because I’ve never actually committed 100% to your dinner.
Sounds high school-esque? Yes, it is. And it’s definitely not solely in business school that you see this behavior (and of course, as with everything, it’s not universal among all MBAs, just more common than the general public). I remember this came up with everything from who was in your ski house in tahoe, and who your roommates were 2nd year. And of course, which dinner party you went to on Friday nite.
In my experience it is present in environments where there are multiple “cool” groups, where type-A personalities are the norm and as a result, most members in the group are used to be in the in-crowd. Folks who OBO may have some close friends but often times, they have a bunch of friends in different circles. That’s what creates the tension to OBO. And part of the reason they have friends in different circles is so that they not miss out on something cool. I’d even say it’s more the fear of missing something than the “upside” of having participated in it – though there is certainly some social equity that is gained by being able to say that you were a part of that something – but usually only if some people you know and whose opinions you care about were not able to do so. This creates bragging rights and makes you different/special.
The only minor solution I developed to deal with O.B.O.-ing was, in times when some sort of cash outlay was necessary, to tell people that they needed to provide an answer by a certain time. That usually got them committed one way or another. And if they did find an alternative event, they were committed and on the hook for whatever payment was agreed upon.
O.B.O.-ing. Hmm….
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