My professor David Bradford at Stanford Business School told me something that has stuck with me several years later. He said that the Golden Rule was slightly off. Actually he might even have said it was wrong. Either way, I remember that once he said that, I was curious how he would follow that statement. How do you know the Golden Rule? Off? Wrong? What gives.
Then he explained that the Golden Rule said you should do unto others as you’d have done unto you. But this is not the right way of looking at it. Professor Bradford said that you should do unto others as - (and this is the important part) – as they would prefer to have done unto them.
That’s a big difference. And I think he is/was right. Our actions towards others shouldn’t necessarily be just about what we would prefer; we should be thinking about others and recognize what they want. Whether it’s being self, self-righteous or just plain stubborn, by following the Golden Rule as written, we are not appropriately considering others’ preferences. And I would guess that in many circumstances, what others would want and what I would want would be very different.
But that takes a lot of work to follow this new rule that I coin the Bradford Rule – until he tells me he got the idea from someone else, I’m giving him full credit. But sometimes we don’t know what others want. How can we possibly know what others want? Well, here’s a shocker – we can ASK them. Now, there’s a novel idea. Ma’am, what would you prefer? Sir, how would you like things done?
Now, this isn’t to say that we always defer to others’ desires and give up our preferences, goals, or beliefs. I’m not at all suggesting that. It is more of a shift in perspective – in being able to recognize – no, it’s more than recognition. It is in being to act in a way that acknowledges the differences we have. It is acting in a way that reflects that we are thinking of others. It is acting in a way that reflects that we are thinking at all.
The Bradford Rule – Do unto others as they would prefer to have done unto them.
Amen.
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