a couple friends were discussing how, amongst a group of four of us, each of us controls conversations and relationships. it wasn't meant necessarily as a negative, as we often times associate the word "control" but rather was intended to focus on how we influence our environments. according to them, we each use different styles, strengths and attitudes to do so. for us, they argued that one uses indifference (or at least the appearance of not caring), another uses intelligence, a 3rd makes people play on his terms, and the fourth tries to overpower others, whether thru excitement or sheer repetition.
it got me thinking that we all have some way we use to affect others. there are many such styles include:
-humor
-athletic ability
-a victim mentality
-flirting
-physical appearance
-kindness
-guilt
-rank / title in an organization
i'm not about to say which one is the best - though i do think things like playing the victim and making others try to feel guilty are not my favorites. the reality is that people will (and often times need to) use their strengths. at the same time, having access to a variety of styles and strengths means that one can draw on them at different points, depending on the situation. some people just don't care about intelligence - for them, the major currency of influence might be sex. for others, athletic ability might be what allows one person to have a disproportionate amount of influence.
i'm going to start paying a little more attention to how people try to affect others. again, control isn't a bad thing all the time. we all want to have influence in one way or another. if you want a great book on influence, check out robert cialdini's book, influence: science and practice. it's a great read. in the meantime, just paying attention to the world out there is another great way to learn.
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